When I wrote seducing the female I ended the article by saying the following about mating: “exchange your fluids, call it love and claim it will last forever”. I think it is illustrative of the strong contrast when it comes to love. At the beginning when the love is huge, there is an intention to make it last forever. But in a lot of cases it does not reach infinity, it breaks down at some point. How do we keep our romantic idea of eternal love without cynicism digesting it?

I have spent time discussing with people about monogamy and polygamy. Depending on the person’s viewpoint he or she either believes that monogamy or polygamy is “natural”. I am afraid that both are very natural. Both have their function on this planet. The polygamy rooted in an urge that keeps you mating, the monogamy to provide a stable environment for children to grow up in. There is a fault line in between where there is continuous friction between the two.

The overwhelming feeling of love, when one encounters an interesting partner, blanks out the critical thoughts. It is the chemical reaction in our head that makes sure we keep on meeting people to mate with. Our brain fools us for a while, so that we bind and built a relationship. When the drug has stopped working, we are supposed to continue developing that relationship on a intense, somehow friendly basis. It should reduce our urge to see new potential partners.

Somehow most of us, when not in love, have this romantic idea of finding the perfect partner. Sure, people will object to the term “perfect” and claim that nobody is perfect. Still, we all want it. On a side note: I guess that for the same reason we pick a partner by the characteristics we find attractive. We do not select this person by finding the least troubling bad ones. There are people who have spent their lives happily together. I refuse to let go of the romantic view.

I wonder how one can improve the criteria that are used for selecting a partner. How can one love a person dearly, separate and love another person the same? How sincere is this? Is it all just a game that the chemicals play with us? Or is it plain logic: our previous relationship broke apart, therefore we did not select the right partner. Most of us we have fallen out of love at some point. Still it does not stop us from falling in love again. Try not to get cynical.